Wow, maybe my name Shouldn’t be Laci I’m pretty sure I should have new name to go along with the new me and the new person I have became.
You know that saying “that person died” I can totally relate it so true in an odd way its almost like I can watch my past like a bad movie.
If you knew me 10 to 12 years ago you definitely wouldn’t have thought I would have a blog, kids, family or a normal job. And absolutely not PTO president at my daughter’s Elementary School.
I recently read a book titled Dancing for the devil by Anny Donewald it was very good & definitely an eye opener. I was never an exotic dancer I might as well have been I worked at Hooters in Atlanta, GA. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t confident enough to take all my clothes off. But we still got all those men that needed to go home to the responsible duties of being a dad and husband but no they would sit for hours and pay all of our bills lights, car, water, credit card statements etc….. Thinking maybe they would someday go further most didn’t hardly ever but of course we had those few that always went overboard.
Now me and my husband work like heck and pay for everything like we should I never expected a man to pay my bills I don’t know why I allowed it then.
I have a few post on here about my family and my daughters biological father but for the most part he died with the old me as well. I met him when I was about 16 and it was a train wreck for the first time we said hello…. Him being 5 years older with 3 kids (I didn’t know that at the time) it was definitely not what you would typically bring home to mom and dad ! My parents are and have always been amazing and I was raised to be strong and confident.
But I was definitely the opposite the attention I gained from him fueled a different spark in me and made me feel like I was really getting someone everyone else wanted. It was almost like I wanted to prove the world wrong I could change this man right ?
In reality I drove a new Mercedes that my daddy bought me and that’s what attracted this “man” I mean after all that’s what all the rappers had in the video’s.
When I look back on the old life and the old me & all the situations I dealt with and put myself in it blows my mind if I did any of that today I would have a melt down….
It’s almost like I had a funeral for the old me the whole nine yards like I grieved like someone I knew died it was a happy death odd right ?
When I look back I know I had to have a alter ego inside me the voice back then telling me to handle it, do whatever, who cares, you got this, you don’t need help, and do what it takes to keep him and so on and that voice back then kept me alive kept me going in a bad way for the most part but what if I wouldn’t have been that strong then ? Could have been worse I suppose.
There are stories I could tell that no one would beleive its hard for me now to think how I went that route and how I wanted to be with someone so broken and awful? Having self love is huge and I honestly think back then I didn’t have any. I no longer have that problem I love me and time alone.
When I had my daughter my alter ego my coping mechanism started changing the power it carried was dying and slowly evaporating it was like I was raw and bothered by it all. Thank god she died and I no longer could deal with all the mess !!!! It changed my life and I am normal and happy its truly amazing and still blows my mind daily.
So every new year I kinda act like its my 2nd birthday !!! Happy birthday to the real me and I add new greatness every year.
So sometimes death is a good thing especially when it’s all in your head !!!
Thanks so much for coming by y’all means so much !!!!
Merry Christmas !!!!! And Happy Birthday to the new us !!
Comments