Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward. Wow ! So true right ?
Sometimes in life you meet people that you think your lucky to have met. And then all of a sudden when it’s to late you realize what you think is love is not love at all its purely obsession.
Love is powerful but obsession is dangerous. I spent what were supposed to be some of the best years of my life trapped by my own mind and thoughts.
I consider myself a “fixer” so maybe I stuck out all those years of hell thinking I could fix him.
I won’t go in to extreme detail but it was filled with nothing but physical and emotional abuse. Cheating lies and so much mess that if he told me the sky was bright green I believed it. The stories I could tell would seem like fiction it was all so bad.
Even on the best days I didn’t like how he looked at me ! I wanted to be watched and not seen ! It was true I realized. His was the magician’s life, full of illusion and sleight of hand, where only one man saw what was behind the curtain.
When my daughter was born I finally said good bye… but it took me so long to actually getting around to leaving.
When I met my husband I was lonely and didn’t have much emotion left. I knew I felt something deep and different for this gentle man but I couldn’t put my hand on it. After all I had never actually loved correctly. Was it fair to him that I thought he could give me a white fence and be an amazing dad to my daughter ? Well he did and exceeded all expectations!
When people heard me talk they knew I wasn’t a young carefree person something was broken inside me and it was more than just my heart.
Life is made up of chances and sometimes if you don’t take them you miss out and you are standing alone.
Every time my husband tells me he loves me it rocks my world ! I promise myself that I will never again would lose sight of what mattered, not for a day or even an hour. Love isn’t a great burning brush-fire that swept your soul and charred you beyond recognition. It was being there, simply that. It was simple everyday moments that laid a foundation so solid that nothing could make them fall.
I didn’t have to tell anyone that I had grown up finally and healed from the inside out. You could look at me and tell.
What I failed to realize is you can’t fix anyone sometimes not even yourself. And I thank god every single day I didn’t stay and keep trying…
I don’t need anyone to stand side by side to tell the difference between tinfoil and sterling silver…
I got swept up and broken to tiny bits but I am so glad cause now these days when I wake up and go to bed I’m amazed.
You can be scared and hurt and turn out better than ever I promise !!!
Life is good today !
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