Shameless Decisions.

Growing up i was a redicluous rebellious idiot. Yes the choices you make when your young follow you forever. I wont go in to great detail but lets say i did everything that you were not supposed to and acted as if i was un-touchable.

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It seems like the day i had my first child i became a whole new person some stranger had entered my mind and body I felt different but a good kind of different. When i looked around the hospital room I saw people i once loved and it instantly truned to hate. I know a child should do the opposite right? Well not this time.

From that day foward October 28 2009. I went home from the hospital as a mom thats a huge deal !! I needed to grow into that role and be the best possible mom a daughter would ever know. I felt new and different inside but it took two or 3 months for me to really realize it was time to be a mom not an idiot.

I didnt want a yelling, screaming, fist fight match daily with her biological father while she was sleeping in the room i had so tediously made for her. I didnt want the clothes i washed with hers reeking of weed and other females and nights of secrets and lies.

I didn’t want someone in my child’s life that wouldnt get a job and want to buy things for her like cute seasonal pajamas. That may sound super cheesy but that was seriously  one of my thoughts.

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Now don’t get me wrong im not trying to bash him and me be free and clear. I put up with all his mess for ten years and knew what i had got myself into. I chased him fought for him and made everything he did okay.

Hindsight is always 20/20 i get that but now who does that help while they are all up in the hell? So my 20/20 was my daughter.

So after i found the new Laci that wanted to be super mom. me and the biological father went seprate ways. Best thing we have ever done that relationship was more toxic than a drug addition.

When my daughter was not yet two he had got out of prision again and was in a relationship with a female i allowed him to cheat on me with for at least for 5 years. I was okay with that i no longer hated her heck he lied to her daily just like he did me so i was trying to do the “right” thing and let him me a part of my daughters life see i never use “our” daughter cause it my heart it wasnt. But like i knew it would it didnt work they picked her up for a few hours on like like 3 Saturdays and then became very un steady which i refused for my daughter to have to deal with !

I got a few text msg from him saying let me see my daughter or threathing me on court etc. Which was a joke i knew already. So i finally responded you will not get or see her until a judge makes me last msg sent and received.

Now here we are and my girl is 5 and people still tend to judge the choices i made for my daughter. And im so okay with that we live in a tiny town and by tiny i mean you can not see soneone for years and still know details about them maybe a few lies or un true things mixed in but for the most part 90% correct. And of course all the pictures people still send me that prove he still has major lifestyle and cheating issues. Sorry but pictures are hard to say that wasn’t me.

Call me what you want bitter, judgemental, stupid, mean, redicluous etc… I will gladly be all that for my child not to be involved in a house that has people in and out everyday at all hours, People smoking weed daily and where a man has no job and the woman is responsible for all bills and children in the house. And when my child ask someone where they are going i dont want the answer  to be the club or going out or to hang out etc…

Oneday my child will know the truth and if she decides to be resentful towards me cause i refused her to have that type of lifestyle influence i will be okay with that and can know in my heart that i did the right thing. And i honestly think she will to.

She has an amazing mom and dad that she loves and we adore her. No where does it say that the family your born into has to be the one your stuck with thank god.

So needless to say my daughter saved me.

And the journey has been amazing.

LC
XOXO
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Comments

  1. Sylvia Richardson says

    I love it! You are so right in every way! Never allow others to influence the choices you make for your kids! Never second guess whether or not it was the right decision as you know best. Being in a toxic relationship can hurt children if they see it and see that you accept how you are being treated. I can relate to this in so many ways!

  2. SmashleyAshley.com says

    Wow. That was exceptionally powerful, Laci. You poured your soul out on that one! You are a wonderful mother and your two children are so blessed to have you. <3

  3. says

    Can I get an AMEN Laci!?! I think we both had very similar experiences. My girls have a father even if he isn’t their biological one. I too refused to support a man who chose smoking cigarettes and pot over raising his children! Good for you. Your daughter will look back one day and thank you not resent you. My mom was not raised by her biological father and I have a cousin who wasn’t either. Both of them told me time and time again that they loved their mothers more than ever for removing them from that situation and bringing a man into their lives who loved them and raised them as their own. Wonderful post. It was like reading my life story haha.

    • Laci Carlson says

      Thanks so much !!!! Love getting + feedback on these topics. Good for you 2 we got this and we rock and made the best decision ever.

  4. says

    I think it’s harder to walk away and realize life is no longer about you. Kudos for you for doing so, you have to put your daughter first, always. She doesn’t need to see hate, anger, and fighting… I applaud you for not giving her that lifestyle.
    I’m wishing you and your daughter all the best!
    XOXO
    Thanks for sharing your story via Mommy Monday.

  5. says

    Some pretty powerful choices that you’ve made. I was once a single mother too…and so glad, as you were, to leave that old lifestyle behind me! Thanks for sharing on this week’s Inspired By Me Mondays 🙂

  6. says

    Hind sight is alllways 20/20! And some times it takes events or people to make that 20/20 even clearer. Make decisions that please you. You have to live with you for the rest of your life.

  7. says

    You have made a right decision. No wonder you daughter will thank you one day. Thank you for linking up at bloggers brags party. We would love to see again next monday.I’m pinning it to Bloggers brags pinterest board.

  8. says

    I feel like we are the same person, except my daughter was born 11 years ago! I went through alot with him! My story is different in that he wouldnt leave, HE DID take me to court, and i was left feeling helpless and trying to be a good example of what a good life was while he modeled everything i couldnt believe i ever dealth with. i recently wrote a post about praying for him and changing my attitude toward how i deal with him. Its hard! His influence has caused problems within me and my childs relationship and it makes parenting her REALLY HARD, but we do what we must and we stick it out for the FIGHT! She is blessed to also have my hubby whom she also considers her dad, who is the example of a man, i should have given her as a biological dad!

    You are doing the best you know how for her, and continue to do just that. Id rather have know i did what was best for her and that i protected her from a world of hurt and she not like me for it for a time, than to have to try to heal her fromt he hurt she might endure in dealing wiht the unstable parent!
    This was one of those posts that i knwo God sat right in my lap!
    Thanks for linking up this week! #SHINEbloghop

    • says

      I am so glad you saw my post and that we connected on so many levels !!! We do what we know and feel is right in our heart and hope for the best. I just got lucky soooo lucky that her “birth” father is to sorry to really take me to court ♡♡ SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR BLOG ALSO.

  9. debsrandomwritings says

    It is amazing what becoming a Mum does to us. It’s not a role any of us are trained for, but we have to step up nonetheless. As far as I can see you have done nothing wrong, you have looked out for your daughter and done what you felt was best for her and for that you should be proud!

    Popped over from#SHINEbloghop.

  10. says

    Wow to the first quote especially. It took me so long to stop trying to make my choices based on what others would think and instead on what would make me happy. When I got to that place what they thought didn’t matter as much as how it made me feel.

  11. Janell says

    I am stopping by from the Frugal Friday Link Up. This is such a realistic post for many. When I was a child my mother didn’t make the same choices you did for your daughter. I actually cried reading this, because my childhood was what you are saving your daughter from. Thanks for being a great mother to your daughter.

  12. says

    This was a very moving post! Wow!
    Thank you for stopping by the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop this week. We hope to see you drop by our neck of the woods next week!

  13. says

    I’m totally in love with this! Pinned and tweeted. We appreciate you being a part of our party, and I hope to see you on Monday at 7 pm. We love partying with you!
    Happy Saturday! Lou Lou Girls

  14. says

    I had to do something similar… but it was after four children. He had always been careful to keep his “bad” side away from the kids. It was kept hidden enough that it took me years to find out all of the things he was doing. But, once I realized, getting away was the best thing I could have done for my children. I am now remarried, we have eight children (and I do say, “we” because he is just as much “Dad” to my older four as he is to our younger children). And my ex? Got himself landed in prison (long after we split and nothing to do with us.)

  15. says

    I was married to the same kind of person as you were. With three daughters I left that life for a new life. I don’t regret my decision either. I allowed my girls to visit their father as long as he was behaving, I knew who he was living with, he had a decent place to go and I always had a tattle tale lurking around. He didn’t like it, but it worked. If he was bad he wasn’t getting them. Now that they’re older they get to chose for themselves what they will put up with and they know what kind of person he is. They make their own judgement on him. It has backfired so many times. I sit back and let them deal with him unless he’s out of line. I bet he hates to see my number come up. A mom has to do what a mom has to do.
    Thanks for sharing your story and linking up to Scraptastic Saturdays.

  16. says

    I too have a similar story. It took me longer to find the courage to leave though I probably recognized it at the same time you did (at the birth of my daughter). Good for you for getting out and for having the grace to not bash your ex. Your child will most certainly thank you for that.

  17. says

    I love this post. It is a beautiful day the day you wake up and realize it is totally ok not to have someone in your life th at does you no good. Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you’ll come back again this week for Awesome Life Friday!

  18. Lysa says

    What a wonderful story! If it helps I will be 43 next week and my Mom did the same thing for me when I was 5 years old and at first I was angry but I was a teen when that occurred. Once I “grew-up” a little I realized that my parents, Mom and Dad (not biological), did the very best thing they ever could for me! I’m sure your daughter will feel the same! Thank you so much for stopping by and linking-up with us on the Oh My Heartsie Girls Wordless Wednesday!

    Wishing you and your daughter a beautiful week!

    Much Love,
    Lysa xx
    Co-Host OMHGWW

  19. Jenna @ A Savory Feast says

    Thank you for sharing your story with Hump Day Happenings! Lately my mantra has been “the only thing I can control is my reaction.” It’s so tough to learn, but it’s true. I’m loved hearing about the difference your daughter made in your life. That’s awesome!

  20. gigglesnkisses says

    Reading your story is very touching. Children are a blessing and they change your life forever, at least they should. I know my daughter changed mine. I was a single mother too, and can relate to the decisions you made to make life better for her. You did the right thing, my hat is off to you. Thanks for sharing on Sunday’s Best.

  21. says

    I can completely understand your case. We do things for our children that we probably wouldn’t have done before hand. Things with our move have been stressful on family ties and my ex is making our life difficult. Praying everything remains happy as can be, just like Rory and I are making ours! Thanks for the post!

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